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There’s an invisible timeline that somehow gets handed to us without anyone ever asking if we wanted it.

From the time we’re young, we’re constantly asked questions about the future. What do you want to be when you grow up? Where do you want to go to school? What career do you want? Do you want to get married? Do you want children? Where do you see yourself in five years?

At first, those questions seem harmless. But somewhere along the way, they start feeling less like questions and more like expectations.

By a certain age, you’re supposed to know exactly what you’re doing with your life. You’re supposed to have a career figured out, money saved, healthy relationships, a stable home, a plan for the future, and somehow enough energy left over to take care of yourself. You’re supposed to know who you are, where you’re going, and exactly how you’re going to get there.

And if you don’t?

It can feel like everyone else received some kind of instruction manual for adulthood that somehow got lost on its way to you.

The Timeline We Never Agreed To

I think one of the hardest parts about growing up is realizing how much pressure we put on ourselves because of expectations we never actually chose.

We look around and start measuring our lives by everyone else’s milestones.

Someone gets engaged, and suddenly you’re questioning your relationship.

Someone announces a pregnancy, and you start thinking about your own family.

Someone buys a house, and suddenly the place you live doesn’t feel good enough.

Someone gets a promotion, graduates, starts a business, travels somewhere beautiful, or seems to completely reinvent their life, and you start wondering why you aren’t doing more.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re jealous.

Sometimes you can be genuinely happy for someone and still feel something uncomfortable inside yourself.

You can celebrate someone else while quietly asking yourself, Am I behind?

I’ve asked myself that question more times than I can count.

There have been moments when I’ve looked at my own life and thought I should be further ahead. I should have more figured out. I should know exactly what my next step is. I should be more organized. I should be more successful. I should have more money saved. I should be more confident. I should be more certain about the future.

There are so many shoulds that sometimes we forget to stop and ask ourselves one of the most important questions:

What do I actually want?

Not what looks impressive.

Not what everyone else expects.

Not what would make other people approve of my choices.

What do I want?

Social Media Makes It Look So Easy

Social media definitely doesn’t make any of this easier.

Every day, we’re given a front-row seat to everyone else’s accomplishments. We see engagement photos, wedding pictures, pregnancy announcements, new homes, new cars, promotions, vacations, graduations, happy families, fitness transformations, and perfectly decorated spaces.

We see people celebrating.

What we usually don’t see is everything that happened before the picture.

We don’t see the arguments that happened before the smiling family photo.

We don’t see the rejection letters before someone finally got the job.

We don’t see the years of saving behind the new house.

We don’t see the nights someone cried because they felt like they were failing.

We don’t see the debt, insecurity, loneliness, fear, disappointment, or uncertainty that can exist behind a perfectly edited picture.

We see the announcement.

We don’t always see the journey.

And then we compare their announcement to the messiest parts of our own lives.

We compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel and wonder why we feel like we aren’t doing enough.

The truth is, none of us really know what someone else’s life looks like when the camera is turned off.

Maybe Nobody Has It Completely Figured Out

The older I get, the more I realize something that strangely makes me feel better:

I don’t think anyone has everything completely figured out.

Some people are just better at looking like they do.

We see someone who appears confident and assume they never question themselves. We see someone succeeding and assume their journey was straightforward. We see someone who seems happy and assume they never struggle.

But everyone is carrying something.

Everyone has questions they don’t have answers to.

Everyone has made decisions they’ve second-guessed.

Everyone has experienced moments where the future felt uncertain.

And almost everyone has probably looked around at some point and wondered whether they were doing life correctly.

Maybe adulthood isn’t reaching some magical point where you suddenly know exactly what you’re doing.

Maybe adulthood isn’t reaching realizing that most of us are figuring it out as we go.

Your Life Is Not a Race

One thing I’m trying to remind myself more often is that someone reaching a milestone before me doesn’t mean I missed my opportunity.

Someone else succeeding doesn’t take anything away from what could still happen in my life.

Someone getting married doesn’t make someone else’s love story less meaningful.

Someone buying a house doesn’t mean you’ve failed because you’re still trying to save money.

Someone finding their dream career at 22 doesn’t mean you can’t discover yours at 32, 42, or even later.

Someone graduating before you doesn’t make your education less valuable.

Someone becoming a parent earlier or later than you doesn’t make either journey more meaningful.

Someone appearing happy doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong because you’re currently struggling.

Their timeline belongs to them.

Yours belongs to you.

Life was never supposed to be a race, yet so many of us spend years running against people who were never actually competing with us.

And even if you somehow “won,” what would you really win?

The ability to say you reached something first?

I’d rather arrive at the right destination later than rush into the wrong one just because I was afraid of falling behind.

Plans Change-and So Do We

I have plans for my life.

I have dreams.

I have goals.

There are things I want to accomplish, places I want to go, experiences I want to have, and a future I’m working toward.

But I’m also learning that life rarely follows the exact outline we create for it.

Sometimes the plan changes because circumstances change.

Sometimes something ends that we thought would last forever.

Sometimes an opportunity appears that we never expected.

Sometimes we lose something and have to figure out who we are without it.

Sometimes we work incredibly hard for something only to realize that it isn’t what we want anymore.

And sometimes we simply change.

That part is important.

We are allowed to change.

The version of you who created a goal five years ago isn’t necessarily the same person you are today. You’ve experienced more. You’ve learned more. Your priorities may have changed. Your definition of happiness may look completely different.

Changing direction doesn’t always mean you gave up.

Sometimes changing direction means you finally started listening to yourself.

Starting Over Isn’t Failure

I think we’re sometimes afraid of starting over because we see it as proof that something didn’t work.

But starting over can take an incredible amount of courage.

It takes courage to admit that something isn’t right for you anymore.

It takes courage to leave what is familiar.

It takes courage to try again after disappointment.

It takes courage to walk away from something you invested years into because you finally realize it’s costing you more than it’s giving you.

Starting over doesn’t erase everything you learned.

You aren’t returning to the beginning as the same person.

You’re starting again with experience.

With lessons.

With scars.

With knowledge.

With a better understanding of what you will and won’t accept.

Maybe starting over isn’t going backward at all.

Maybe sometimes it’s the only way forward.

Progress Doesn’t Always Look Impressive

Another things I’m learning is that someone of the most important progress in life isn’t something you can post about.

There’s no certificate for finally learning how to set boundaries.

Nobody throws you a party because you stopped chasing people who continually showed you they didn’t value you.

There’s no graduation ceremony for learning to forgive yourself.

Nobody sends flowers because you finally said no without feeling guilty afterward.

There’s no trophy for surviving a period of your life you genuinely weren’t sure you could make it through.

But those things matter.

Maybe more than we realize.

Sometimes progress is simply getting out of bed.

Sometimes it’s making the phone call you’ve been avoiding.

Sometimes it’s admitting you need help.

Sometimes it’s choosing not to respond to something that once would have pulled you into an argument.

Sometimes it’s realizing you deserve better.

Sometimes it’s looking at something that used to destroy you and realizing it doesn’t have the same power anymore.

Not every accomplishment needs an announcement.

Some victories happen quietly.

I’m Learning to Be Present

I don’t want to spend my entire life waiting for the next milestone before allowing myself to feel proud.

Because I know myself.

If I tell myself I’ll finally be happy when I reach one goal, I’ll probably reach it and immediately create another.

I’ll be happy when…

When I have more money.

When I accomplish this.

When I finally get there.

When life settles down.

When everything makes sense.

But what happens if we spend our entire lives waiting for life to begin?

What happens if the ordinary days we keep rushing through are actually the life we’re going to miss someday?

I want to learn how to appreciate where I am while still being excited about where I’m going.

I want to look around sometimes and recognize that there are things in my life today that an earlier version of me once hoped for.

I want to stop moving the finish line every time I get close to it.

You Are Not Late to Your Own Life

So if you’re reading this and secretly feeling like everyone else is ahead of you, I hope you remember something:

You are not late to your own life.

Read that again.

You are not behind because your story looks different.

You are not failing because you had to start over.

You are not unsuccessful because your dreams are raking longer than expected.

You are not less worthy because someone else reached a milestone before you.

You don’t need to have every answer today.

You don’t need to know exactly what the next five or ten years look like.

You don’t need to become someone else just because their life looks beautiful from the outside.

Take the next step you can see.

Then take another.

Change direction if you need to.

Start over if you have to.

Rest when you’re exhausted.

Celebrate the small victories.

Give yourself credit for the things nobody else knows you had to overcome.

And stop measuring your life against timelines that were never yours to begin with.

I’m still figuring things out.

I’m still learning.

I’m still changing.

There are things about my future that I’m excited about and things I have absolutely no idea how they’re going to work out.

But maybe I don’t need to know yet.

Maybe none of us truly have it all figured out.

Maybe we’re all just learning, changing, making mistakes, falling down, getting back up, making plans, rewriting those plans, losing things, finding ourselves again, and hoping that somewhere along the way it all starts making a little more sense.

And maybe the goal was never to have everything figured out.

Maybe the goal is to simply keep becoming someone you’re proud of while remembering to actually live along the way.

For where I am right now, I’m choosing to believe that is enough.

Until next time,

Between the Words.