Growing up, I don’t think I fully understood how much the words of other people would follow me. When you’re young, you think high school is your whole world. The hallways feel endless, friendships feel permanent, and the opinions of the people around you feel like they determine who you are. When you’re being bullied, it’s hard to imagine a life outside of those classrooms and hallways. It’s hard to believe people when they tell you, “It gets better,” because at the moment, it doesn’t feel like it ever will.
I was bullied in high school, and there are parts of that experience that stayed with me long after graduation.
People don’t always understand what bullying does to someone. They see the comments, the jokes, the whispers, the laughing, or the exclusion as something temporary. They might even say, “They’re just kids,” or “Ignore them”. But when you’re the person experiencing it every day, you don’t simply leave those words at school. You carry them home. You hear them when you’re looking in the mirror. You remember them when you’re trying to make friends. Eventually, their voices can become your own, and you start questioning yourself based on things people said when they barely knew you.
I remember wondering what was wrong with me.
Was I not pretty enough? Was I too different? Was there something about me that made me an easy person to pick on? Maybe if I changed something about myself, people would leave me alone. Maybe if I became quieter, dressed differently, acted differently, or stopped caring so much, things would get easier.
Looking back now, I wish I could sit beside that younger version of myself.
I wouldn’t tell her to toughen up.
I’d tell her, “There is nothing about you that needs to become smaller just so someone else can feel bigger”.
That’s one of the biggest lessons growing up has taught me.
People’s Cruelty Isn’t a Measurement of Your Worth
When someone repeatedly says something negative about you, it’s easy to start believing it. But someone else’s opinion isn’t a fact.
To anyone experiencing bullying right now: please understand that the people around you today are not the only people you will ever know.
High school ends.
You will meet new people. You will experience new places. You will discover things about yourself that you never had the confidence to explore before. One day, you may look back and realize that the people whose opinions once controlled your self-esteem don’t even have a place in your life anymore.
Don’t allow temporary people to permanently change the way you see yourself.
Being Kind Doesn’t Make You Weak
Another lesson I learned is that pain can change you in two directions. It can make you want to hurt people because you were hurt, or it can make you more aware of how deeply your actions affect others.
I choose the second.
Because I know what it’s like to feel judged, I try to be careful about judging someone else. Because I know what it’s like to feel left out, I understand how important it can be to include someone. Because I know what words can do, I understand why kindness matters.
You never know what someone is carrying when they walk into a room.
A compliments that takes you five seconds to give could stay with someone for years. Unfortunately, so can an insult.
Choose your words carefully.
Stop Trying to Earn Acceptance
Growing up also taught me that constantly changing yourself to be accepted is exhausting.
You can spend years trying to become the person everyone else wants you to be and still find someone who doesn’t like you.
So why destroy yourself trying?
Not everyone is going to understand you. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is meant to walk through every season of your life with you.
Your responsibility isn’t to make everyone approve of you.
Your responsibility is to become someone you can be proud of.
Speak Up
If you’re being bullied, please tell someone.
I know it’s easier to say from the other side. Sometimes you’re afraid speaking up will make things worse. Sometimes you’re embarrassed. Sometimes you think adults won’t understand. Sometimes you’ve convinced yourself you should be able to handle it alone.
You don’t have to.
Talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, coach, trusted friend, or another adult who makes you feel sage. Keep speaking until someone listens. Asking for help isn’t weakness. Protecting yourself is one of the strongest things you can learn to do.
And if you’re watching someone else get bullied, don’t underestimate the difference you can make.
Sit next to them.
Talk to them.
Include them.
Tell someone what’s happening.
You don’t have to become someone’s best friend to remind them that they’re not alone.
Life Become Bigger Than High School
If I could give my younger self one glimpse into the future, I think she would be shocked.
The girl who once worried so much about what everyone thought of her would eventually realize that their opinions weren’t going to determine her future.
Life would challenge her in ways far greater than high school ever did. She would experience love, heartbreak, grief, motherhood, responsibility, healing, faith, disappointment, and growth. She would learn that there were parts of herself she hadn’t even discovered yet.
And she would survive.
That’s why I want younger people experiencing bullying to hear this:
Your current chapter isn’t your entire story.
You are going to grow.
You’re going to change.
You’re going to meet people who love things about you that other people once made you insecure about.
You’re going to discover that some of the qualities you were teased for are the same qualities that you make unforgettable.
Most importantly, you’re gong to learn that your worth was never decided in a high school hallway.
I can’t go back and erase what happened to me.
But I can decide what I do with it.
I can use it to teach my daughter kindness. I can use it to remind someone else to keep going. I can use it to become more compassionate instead of more bitter. And I can finally give my younger self something she desperately needed back then:
Grace
To anyone who’s currently being bullied, to anyone who still carries scars from being bullied years ago, and even to anyone who realizes they were once the bully:
Choose kindness.
Apologize when you’ve hurt someone.
Speak up when you see someone being mistreated.
Stop judging people based on appearances, rumors, popularity, or differences.
And if you’re the person being targeted, please remember this:
One day, you’re going to walk out of those hallways for the last time.
The world waiting for you outside of them is so much bigger.
And the people who made you question your worth never had the authority to define it in the first place.
Until next time,
Between the words
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