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If life came with an instruction manual, maybe some of us wouldn’t have had to learn everything the hard way. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. Most of the lessons that have changed me didn’t come from a book, a classroom, or someone sitting me down and giving me advice. They came from heartbreak. Grief. Motherhood. Toxic relationships. Mental health struggles. Losing people I thought I would have forever. Questioning my faith. Going back to school. Working while exhausted. Starting over when I didn’t feel ready. And realizing that sometimes the person standing in the way of my healing was me.

I’m only 25 years old, so I know I still have a lifetime of lessons ahead of me. I don’t have life completely figured out, and I don’t think anybody truly does. But I have lived enough life to know that some lessons will keep repeating themselves until you finally listen.

So, if I could sit down with someone who feels lost, exhausted, heartbroken, afraid, or like life just isn’t going according to plan, these are the ten rules I would give them.

Rule #1: Stop expecting people to love you

This one took me a long time to understand.

I have always been someone who loves deeply. When I care about someone, I care with everything I have. I will show up, forgive, check on people, give second chances, and sometimes give twentieth chances. For years, I assumed that because I would never treat someone a certain way, they wouldn’t treat me that way either.

Life taught me differently.

I’ve experienced relationships where I gave more than I received. I’ve experienced disrespect, disappointment, and moments where I wondered how someone who claimed to love me could make me feel so small. I spent too much time trying to understand why people couldn’t simply give me what I was willing to give them.

The answer is simple: people can only give you what they are capable and willing to give.

You cannot love someone into becoming better. You cannot sacrifice enough to make someone appreciate you. And you cannot keep destroying yourself trying to prove that you’re worthy of receiving the same love you freely give.

Love people, but pay attention to how they love you back.

Rule #2: Being a good person does not require you to tolerate disrespect.

I used to confuse forgiveness with unlimited access.

I thought being understanding meant constantly giving people another opportunity to hurt me. I thought keeping the peace meant staying quiet. I thought walking away made me cruel. I thought boundaries meant I was becoming cold.

They don’t.

After everything I’ve experienced, especially in unhealthy relationships, I’ve learned that forgiveness and boundaries can exist at the same time. You can forgive someone and still decide they don’t belong in your life. You can understand why someone behaves the way they do without volunteering to become their punching bag.

I’ve had to learn how to say, “I love you, but I won’t allow you to treat me like this.”

That sentence would have terrified an older version of me.

Now I understand it as self-respect.

Rule #3: Your children will remember how home felt.

Motherhood changed everything about the way I look at life.

When I became Charlotte’s mom, suddenly my decisions weren’t only about me anymore. I started thinking about the environment she would grow up in, the relationships she would witness, the way people spoke around her, and what she would eventually learn about love by watching the adults around her.

Children notice more than we realize.

They may not remember every toy you bought them or whether the house looked perfect every single day. But they will grow up with an understanding of whether home felt safe. They will learn what love looks like by watching you. They will learn boundaries by watching what you tolerate.

Motherhood has forced me to look at parts of myself I probably would have ignored otherwise.

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that love should feel safe. I want her to know that her voice matters. I want her to know that she never has to make herself smaller to keep somebody else comfortable.

And if I want her to believe those things, I have to show her.

Rule #4: Grief does not follow a schedule.

I wish I had learned this lesson differently.

I’ve experienced losses that completely changed me. Losing people I loved taught me that grief doesn’t politely arrive, stay for a reasonable amount of time, and then disappear.

It comes in waves.

You can be okay for weeks and suddenly hear a song that destroys you. You can laugh and immediately feel guilty for laughing. You can have a beautiful day and still wish someone were there to experience it with you.

But grief has taught me something important:

Moving forward is not the same as moving on.

I don’t have to stop loving someone to continue living.

Rule #5: You are allowed to start over as many times as necessary.

I think people are terrified of starting over because they believe it means everything before it was wasted.

It wasn’t.

I’ve had moments where I’ve looked at my life and thought, This isn’t where I thought I would be.

But I’m learning that starting over doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes starting over means you finally learned enough to stop repeating the same chapter.

Going back to school for Healthcare Administration has been one of those decisions for me. I’m balancing school with motherhood, work, relationships, responsibilities, exhaustion, and everything else life throws my way. There are days when I wonder whether I’m capable of doing it all.

Then I remind myself why I started.

Your timeline does not have to look like anyone else’s.

You can change careers. Go back to school. Leave a relationship. Rebuild your faith. Start a business. Start therapy. Move somewhere new. Change your mind.

You are not trapped by decisions made by an older version of yourself.

Rule #6: Mental health doesn’t care how many responsibilities you have.

Depression doesn’t look at your schedule and decide today isn’t convenient.

Anxiety doesn’t care that you have work.

Burnout doesn’t care that the laundry needs to be folded.

I’ve experienced moments where mentally I felt completely drained, but life continued demanding things from me. Motherhood doesn’t come with a pause button. Bills don’t disappear because you’re struggling. Work doesn’t automatically stop because you’re overwhelmed.

For a long time, I felt guilty for struggling.

Now I’m learning that strength isn’t pretending everything is okay.

Sometimes strength is admitting, “I’m overwhelmed.”

Sometimes strength is resting.

Sometimes it’s asking for help.

And sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop expecting yourself to function like a machine.

Rule #7: Faith can survive your questions.

My relationships with God hasn’t always been simple.

I’ve had moments where my faith was strong and moments when I questioned everything. I’ve experienced things that made me wonder why God would allow certain pain into my life. I’ve prayed while angry. I’ve prayed while confused. I’ve had seasons when I didn’t even know what to say.

I used to think questioning my faith meant I was losing it.

Now I think sometimes questioning is part of building a faith that actually belongs to you.

After grief, trauma, fear, and everything I’ve experienced, I’m still learning what faith means to me.

And maybe faith isn’t always standing confidently saying, “I know exactly what God is doing.”

Sometimes faith is whispering, “God, I don’t understand any of this, but I’m still here.”

Rule #8: Stop arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

This lesson could have saved me hours of my life.

I used to explain myself repeatedly because I believed if I could just find the perfect combination of words, someone would finally understand my intentions.

Sometimes they don’t want to understand.

Some people aren’t listening to learn. They’re listening for something they can argue against.

I’ve learned that I don’t need to attend every argument I’m invited to.

I don’t need the last word.

I don’t need everyone to agree with my decisions.

And I certainly don’t need to destroy my peace trying to convince somebody that my feelings are valid.

Sometimes the most powerful response is silence followed by changed behavior.

Rule #9: Stop waiting until you feel ready.

If I waited until I felt completely ready for everything I’ve done, I probably wouldn’t have done half of it.

There wasn’t some magical morning when I woke up fearless.

I’ve done things scared.

I’ve done things while questioning myself.

I’ve worked overnight and still handled responsibilities for the next day. I’ve cared for my daughter while exhausted. I’ve returned to school while wondering how I would balance everything. I’ve continued building a future during seasons when life felt completely uncertain.

Sometimes courage isn’t confidence.

Sometimes courage sounds like:

“I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to try anyway.”

Do not wait until fear disappears.

You might be waiting forever.

Rule #10: Your life is happening right now.

This may be the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

We spend so much time saying:

When I graduate…

When I have more money…

When life calms down…

When I’m healed…

When everything finally falls into place…

Then I’ll be happy.

But what if this is life?

The messy kitchen. The late-night homework. The exhausted mornings. Your child is laughing at something ridiculous. The conversations with someone you love. The car rides. The coffee before work. The days you feel beautiful and the days you barely recognize yourself.

One day, some of the things exhausting you right now will become memories.

My daughter won’t always be little.

I won’t always be 25.

School won’t last forever.

The people I love won’t be here forever.

Neither will I.

So I’m trying to stop treating my current life like it’s simply the waiting room for the life I actually want.

The Rule Behind All the Rules

If there is one thing life has taught me, it’s that you cannot control everything that happens to you.

You cannot control who stays.

You cannot control who leaves.

You cannot control whether someone apologizes.

You cannot undo your past.

You cannot bring back the people you’ve lost.

You cannot guarantee that tomorrow will look anything like the picture you’ve created in your head.

But you can decide what you do with today.

So love people while they’re here. Take the pictures. Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong. Stop chasing people who have repeatedly shown you they don’t value your presence. Protect your children. Chase the future you keep dreaming about. Set boundaries without apologizing for having them. Ask for help when you need it. Give yourself grace for the person you used to be. Pray even when you’re angry with God. And stop wasting years of your life waiting for permission to become someone different.

You are going to make mistakes.

You are going to lose people.

You are going to have chapters you wish you could rewrite.

But you are also going to survive days you once thought would destroy you.

I’ve learned that firsthand.

And maybe that;s the unofficial eleventh rule of Life:

Sometimes the life you thought was falling apart is actually forcing you to become someone you never would have become if everything had gone according to plan.

I’m still learning.

I’m still healing.

I’m still growing.

And I’m finally realizing that maybe life was never about having all the answers.

Maybe it was about becoming brave enough to keep living while you’re still figuring them out.

Until next time,

Between the Words