When I was younger, twenty-five sounded like an age where I would know what I was doing. I imagined that by then, I would have a clear direction, a comfortable routine, and the ability to make important decisions without spending half the night questioning them. I knew adulthood came with responsibilities, but I assumed that somewhere along the way, I would also develop the confidence to handle them without feeling so unsure of myself.
Now that I am here, I would love to know who started that rumor.
There are parts of my life where I feel capable and proud of myself, and then there are moments when one confusing email, an unexpected expense, or a change in plans makes me wish somebody could sit beside me and explain exactly what I am supposed to do next. I can get through a busy shift, take care of my daughter, and work toward my education, yet still stare at my calendar wondering how I am going to fit everything into the same week. Some days, adulthood feels like remembering one thing just in time to realize I have forgotten something else.
I thought I would have money figured out by now, including the mysterious ability to walk into a store for three things and leave with only those three things. I expected to understand how people keep their homes clean, their laundry folded, their appointments scheduled, and something edible in the refrigerator without dedicating their entire lives to maintaining those four situations. I am especially interested in hearing from anyone who has ever actually reached the bottom of their laundry basket and stayed there longer than an afternoon.
More than anything, though, I thought I would feel further along.
That is a difficult thing to admit because “further along” can mean almost anything. Sometimes it means having more savings or being closer to finishing school, and other times it means being more patient, more confident, or less affected by what other people think. The expectations change depending on the day, which makes them particularly exhausting to chase. As soon as I make progress in one area, I can find another reason to feel behind.
Going back to school has made me think about this a lot. I am proud that I am pursuing my education, but pride does not stop me from occasionally wishing I had started sooner or wondering how different things might look if I had taken another path. Then I think about everything that has happened between the person I was then and the person making this decision now. I have different responsibilities, different priorities, and a much clearer understanding of why I want to do this. There is value in that, even on the days when I wish the process moved faster.
Motherhood has challenged plenty of my younger assumptions, too. Before you become a parent, it is easy to imagine the kind of parent you will be because the child in that imaginary situation has apparently agreed to cooperate. Real life involves a little person with her own feelings, preferences, energy, and very strong opinions. I am learning about my daughter as she grows, and I am also learning about myself in moments when I am tired, stretched thin, or trying to make a decision without a perfect answer.
I thought being an adult would mean knowing what to do. A lot of the time, it means choosing as thoughtfully as I can with the information I have, then being willing to adjust.
I also expected confidence to arrive more permanently. I pictured reaching a point where criticism would roll off my shoulders and I would stop replaying conversations after they ended. Instead, I can feel completely comfortable with myself one day and question the tone of a text message the next. There are boundaries I can set more easily now, but I still have moments when I want to explain myself until everyone understands, even when I know that conversation could go on forever.
It helps when people speak honestly about their own uncertainty. There is something reassuring about hearing someone you respect admit that they also make phone calls they have been putting off for weeks, struggle to keep a routine, or change their mind about what they want. Those conversations make it easier to see how much of adulthood happens privately, behind the updates and accomplishments we share.
That is why I want to open this one up to you.
What is something you were absolutely convinced you would have figured out by your current age?
It can be something serious, like your career, relationships, or where you want to live, or something as simple as learning how to fold a fitted sheet without eventually rolling it into a ball. What did younger you imagine your life would look like, and what has surprised you about the life you are actually living?
I would also love to hear about something you have accomplished that younger you never would have expected. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to our old plans that we can overlook the good things that were never part of those plans in the first place.
At twenty-five, I am raising my daughter, continuing my education, working, and making room for writing because it matters to me. I still have unanswered questions, unfinished goals, and laundry waiting to be folded, but those things exist alongside a life I am putting real effort into.
Leave a comment and tell me what you are still figuring out. If another reader shares something familiar, reply to them, too – I would love for this to become a conversation where we can be honest, offer a little encouragement, and laugh about the things nobody prepared us for.
I’ll start: I thought I would have a reliable answer to “What’s for dinner?” by now, and I would like to formally admit that I do not.
Until next time,
Between the Words
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